...not resolve a single thing. I remember the first time I resolved to be good, I was twelve then; I think! On the 2nd of January, Mom beat the hell out of me because my brother told her I was smoking. Then again when I was 16th, I resolved to lose weight; I guess I was kind of chubby at 190 pounds. Then at 23, I resolved to stop drinking. That lasted maybe two whole days! The last time I made a resolution, it was to stop being a womanizer; kind of like chasing women. But then my wife had to go to the hospital, for she was laughing so hard she lost her balance and fell on the floor. She was holding the twins, little Jimmie and Jonnie; the last of our eight children!"
by Joseph L. Rose, Mondragone, Italy